Only two things in life are guaranteed: death and internet trolls. We’ll avoid the latter for now and focus on the former. We all get our tickets punched at some point and there are a thousand and one ways for it to happen. For the most part, everyone wants to go peacefully and painlessly but unfortunately, that’s not always in the cards. At the very least, however, you hope you can go out with some dignity. Even that, however, isn’t always an option.
Let’s preface this list by saying we’re not looking to mock any of these people and all of us have probably been touched by tragedy and loss in our lives. But circumstances beyond our control can always temper even the worst situation and sometimes all you can do is laugh to prevent yourself from crying.
10. Kirstie Alley’s Mother Died in Blackface While her Father was Dressed as a KKK Member
Kirstie Alley was arguably most famous for her role on ’80s sitcom Cheers, though that was a springboard for a long career with other memorable roles. While she was not exclusively a comedic actress, it’s what she was best known for and her sense of humor can probably be best understood through a story she once told Barbara Walters during an interview.
Alley was explaining how her mother died back in 1981. Both her mother and father were in a car accident and she was called by her sister to come to the hospital. Her mother died and her father was badly wounded.
In the waiting room, Alley asked her sister where her parents were going when the accident happened. It turns out they were attending a Halloween party. Her father was dressed as a member of the Ku Klux Klan and her mother was in blackface.
One can only imagine what emergency crews and hospital staff thought when they saw both of them come in.
9. Serial Killer Bruce Lindahl Stabbed Himself by Accident While Committing a Murder
Pop culture has really elevated the serial killer to monster status in most people’s minds. Movies like Silence of the Lambs depict serial killers as calculating geniuses from whom you could never really hope to escape. In real life, these monsters are absolutely deadly and terrifying, but they’re not always as crafty and calculating as you might think.
Bruce Lindahl was a serial killer in Illinois in the ’70s and ’80s. It’s believed he claimed at least a dozen victims but could have been responsible for dozens more, as well as numerous sexual assaults. Given how prolific he was, it’s surprising more people don’t know his name since Western culture does elevate many of these prolific killers to a kind of mythical status.
Part of the reason for Lindahl’s lack of notoriety may be how his murderous career ended. There was no big police bust and sensational trial for him. Instead, in April 1981, Lindahl went home with a guy and murdered him. He attacked his victim, Charles Huber, and stabbed him 28 times. Lindahl was so wrapped up in the act of killing this man that he wasn’t able to control the knife as his victim likely struggled to survive. He ended up stabbing himself in the leg.
The knife cut through Lindahl’s femoral artery. It’s believed he would have bled out in a matter of minutes. He was found on the floor next to Huber.
8. Troy Leon Gregg Escaped Death Row Then Died in a Bar Fight
Imagine being a prisoner on Death Row. Knowing the exact day, the exact minute, you’re going to die. You know where it will happen, how it will happen, and who will be there. That’s a singular experience that almost no one else in the world can ever know. That was what was waiting for Troy Leon Gregg. And then, the day before he was to be executed in July 1980, Gregg and three others dressed like guards and escaped from prison.
At this point in the story, Gregg has literally cheated death. He knew, for a fact, he was going to die and he avoided it. Almost no one else in the world can ever say that so definitively. Maybe he’d get caught later, maybe they’d bring him back and execute him soon after, maybe a lot of things. But on that particular day, he was free, and he was alive.
So what does a man who cheated death do to celebrate? Gregg went to a bar with his fellow escapees, just hours after breaking loose. Once there, witnesses testified he got into a fight with another escapee. Hours later, Gregg was found dead in a nearby river. No one was ever convicted of killing him.
7. Hans Steininger Tripped on His Own Beard and Died
Even today there are stories about schools and businesses that try to discipline people for having “inappropriate” hairstyles. Some employers don’t want you to dye it certain colors and schools are notorious for slamming hairstyles they claim are distracting. Most of us would probably agree that a person’s hair is theirs to do with as they please. But there are instances when personal grooming was probably a good idea, like in the case of Hans Steininger.
Steininger was a town mayor near the Austrian/German border over 400 years ago. He was known for having a preposterously long beard. It was over four and a half feet long and trailed on the ground at its longest point. That’s a significant detail.
Apparently, Steininger was a well-liked mayor and had been elected several times over the years. He kept his enormous beard rolled up and tucked in a pocket most days but on September 28, 1567, his town was thrown into a panic by a fire.
Without time to dress himself and prepare properly, Steininger hit the streets with his long beard dragging on the ground. He stepped on it, tripped, fell down a flight of stairs, and died as a result.
6. Toronto Lawyer Garry Hoy Went Out His Own Window
Garry Hoy worked as a lawyer in Toronto back in the 1990s. He worked for a large Toronto firm in one of the largest skyscrapers in the city on the 24th floor. It was in July 1993 when Hoy was talking to some visiting law students and, for reasons unknown, the topic turned to the strength of his office windows.
Hoy was a senior partner in his firm and nearly 40 years old. He took a run at the pane of glass to prove how strong it was and word is he slammed into it once without a problem. But then he tried it again. The entire window pane gave way and Hoy went out the window with the glass, falling to his death.
The law firm, which employed 200 people, ended up closing a few years later which was attributed, in part, to Hoy’s death.
5. A Man Choked to Death on a Live Fish After Being Dared to Swallow it
Men will do stupid things on a dare. Not all men, of course, but there’s always some guy willing to prove himself for no reason other than the fact someone wanted to see them try. Often this will be highly dangerous and offer no reward whatsoever. The best outcome is just that no one gets hurt. The worst outcome can be very bad.
Back in 1998, someone dared Michael Gentner to swallow a 5-inch fish, and he was all over it. He immediately began to choke on the fish and his friends, who had made the dare, called for help. Sadly for Gentner, it was too late to save him. Luckily for his foolish friends, you can’t be charged for making a stupid dare.
4. A Guy Trying to Photograph a Beaver was Killed By It
Outside of Canada and some very well-forested northern states and countries, most people will never experience a beaver in person. They have a reputation for being industrious and vaguely cute little dam builders but don’t let the hype fool you. They are wild animals with teeth strong enough to cut trees down, can grow to three feet in length, and may weigh as much as 65 pounds.. Beavers are actually pretty dangerous and to prove it you can look to Belarus.
A man in Belarus figured he’d take a photo of a beaver when he saw one on the side of the road. He got out, approached the rodent, and it went straight for his legs. Those powerful and sharp teeth cut right through to an artery and though the man was with friends, they were unable to stop the bleeding and he died as a result.
3. A Man in India Was Killed By a Flying Cow
If your death sounds like something that came up in a quick MadLibs exercise then there’s a good chance your legacy will be at least a little embarrassing. At least you’ll be remembered for something.
According to reports from 2023, 82-year-old Shivdayal Sharma really needed to go to the bathroom and decided to pee on some train tracks. So far, so good. Then things went bad. There was a train heading in Sharma’s direction but it’s not what you think. Instead of hitting Sharma mid-pee, the train hit a cow. Apparently, this happens all the time in India, as many as 13,000 cows were hit by trains in 2022 alone.
The cow was launched by the train and the flying cow hit Sharma, who was 30 meters away, which is arguably a safe distance, killing him.
2. Two People Died in a Car Crash Because an Airbag Had Been Replaced by Cocaine
Even though opioids dominate the news these days, cocaine is as big as ever. Bigger, in fact. After Covid, cocaine came back with a vengeance. Two thousand tons of it was seized in 2021 and production spiked by 35% from 2020 to 2021. It’s really having its moment.
The problem with cocaine, as ever, is getting it from where it starts to the people who want it. That’s where smugglers come in. You need to find a way to get drugs into the US, for instance, which is a big customer base. Drugs like fentanyl and cocaine are generally carried by mules, most often US citizens, from Mexico to the US. You need clever ways to hide the drugs to get them across the border though, and obviously, things don’t always work out.
In 2015, two would-be smugglers died in a car crash because the airbag in their car had been replaced with cocaine so there was nothing to protect them when the accident happened. The passenger side airbag was swapped out for 55 pounds of the drug. Ironically, the driver’s airbag did deploy, but they still died of their injuries.
1. A Big Game Hunter Died After Being Crushed By An Elephant
Most people in this day and age have little appreciation or sympathy for big game hunters. Hunting and killing endangered animals is not as impressive as it once was and most people would much rather animals that have been historically killed just for fun or to make money off of their corpses be allowed to live out their lives. Despite that, some people still crave the kill and will pay big bucks to hunt lions, rhinos, and elephants.
Theunis Botha was out hunting in 2017 with a group when they ran across a herd of elephants. The elephants, some of which were pregnant, stampeded and one snatched Botha up in her trunk, as elephants are wont to do when threatened. Another hunter, apparently thinking he could help Botha, shot the elephant which then fell and crushed Botha to death under it.
Botha’s hunt was licensed, and he often led rich game hunters on safaris where he would use packs of dogs to scare game out into the open where they could be shot.